"Morning Sophie," Annabelle looked tired, she should have slept an hour more. I replied her, and asked about yesterday.
Well, Sophie, yesterday you got so drunk, that I had to take you home. You couldn't help yourself at all. Actually you acted pretty funny, " Annabelle said, giggling.
"Did I do anything embarrassing?" I asked nervously. I had tried something like this once, and it ended up... let's just say it didn't went very well.
"Geez Sophie? Can't you remember anything?" She smiled deviously and continued: "I mean, you kissed me an..."
"WHAT!?" I felt all the blood in my entire body rush to my face. Is was madly in love with her. She knew that I was lesbian, but I would never dare to tell her about my feelings for her. And she even had a boyfriend. I was so doomed.
"Actually you're a great kisser, I don't understand why you don't have a girlfriend. You're beautiful too. Are all girls just blind?" I sighed and started sobbing. I didn't realize that I was crying before I felt her hand whip the tears away. I was disgusting. To be in love with your best friend, a friend of the same gender just to mention. It was just disgusting. But hell, if I could do something about it, I had done it three years ago.
I still remembered the day I told her about my sexuality. She had just smiled and hugged me. She let me know that she didn't care, and that I shouldn't worry too much. I had looked up in her beautiful hazel eyes and been happy. For the very first, and last, time in my life I had been really, really happy. That time I had not realized that my feelings towards her were love. I just wanted her to want me back. But it would never happen. The one girl I loved was blind. The girl who could see others faults, but not my love. I was broken. On the inside I was just a bundle of broken pieces.
"The world is ugly."I started to sing with a shaking voice.
"But you're beautiful to me."Annabelle looked at me with a confused, but yet lovely, look.
"Are you thinking of me? Like I'm thinking of you?"I continued, while the tears ran down my face. Annabel's smile shattered while the lyrics came over my lips.
"I would say I'm sorry, but I really need to go."My voice cracked along with the words, but I had to sing the rest.
"I just wanted you to know."
Annabelle was chocked. Tears were hiding in the corners of her eyes.
"All the time?" She asked me nervously. I nodded but had to sing the song.
"That the world is ugly,
But you're beautiful to me.
Are you thinking of me?
Are you thinking of him?"
"I. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?" She was crying now. In some way it made me feel better.
"You could say you're sorry,
That I think you both should go.
I just wanted you to know,
There's an aching in my heart.
And there's a burden in my eyes."
"Why? You know I would still be your friend. Maybe even more!" She sounded desperate, but I had just realized that I didn't fit in here. I had to go somewhere else. Heaven? Hell? Just another place here on earth? I didn't know, just somewhere I could start over. Like in the song. The song that fitted my life perfectly. The song that was my favourite, that could make me cry. I had learned it by heart the day I heard it the first time. I was enchanted by the lyrics, by the vocals, by the guitar, by the whole meaning. I cleared my throat before I sang any more.
"I could get a new start,
But I rather will not try,
I just want a new place,
Maybe no one knows my name?"
Suddenly I knew that she wasn't for me. I wanted her to be happy, I didn't care about myself. And she could only be happy if I wasn't here anymore. If I disappeared from her life. It would hurt, of course it would, but anything for Annabelle. Annabelle with the beautiful hair. The enchanting smile. The blind eyes. Those beautiful eyes had been blind for three years. Now it was too late. I knew what to do. I just had to disappear, or maybe die. I was sad, but in a happy way. I was in peace, in a painful way. It was okay. She would never feel the same for me, even though she would try. She hated to hurt people. And she would do everything to make them happy again. Even try to love them.
"But I think it's just the thing.
Oh are you happy now
Now that you got
What you came for."
I finished the song, and with that my pain. I hid it in the corners of my soul, hoping it wouldn't come out in the light again.